Hope vs. Expectation: How Understanding the Difference Can Lead to a Happier Life

We’ve all been there—hoping for something good to happen, like landing the perfect job or building a strong relationship. But sometimes, that hope morphs into expectation. We start believing things should go a certain way, and when they don’t, we feel frustrated or disappointed. The line between hope and expectation can seem blurry, but understanding the difference can significantly change how we approach life and handle its challenges.

While hope and expectation both play a role in how we see the future, they lead us down very different paths. As psychologist and author Brené Brown says, “Hope is not an emotion; it’s a way of thinking or a cognitive process.” Hope is about believing in possibilities and trusting that we can navigate through uncertainty. Expectation, however, creates a fixed mindset, where we anticipate a specific outcome and often feel let down when reality doesn’t match our vision.

So, how can we learn to balance hope and expectation to lead a happier, more fulfilling life?

What Is Hope?

Hope is often seen as a positive outlook on what could happen. According to Charles Snyder, a renowned psychologist known for his work on hope theory, hope involves “the perceived capability to derive pathways to desired goals and motivate oneself to use those pathways.” In other words, hope is both about believing in a better future and having the motivation to pursue it.

Unlike expectation, hope doesn’t depend on a guaranteed outcome. It’s more about maintaining a sense of optimism and flexibility, even when the future is uncertain. Hope helps us stay resilient, encouraging us to keep going despite setbacks.

For example, if you’re hoping for a new job, you might apply to several positions, keeping your options open and maintaining a positive attitude throughout the process. Hope keeps you motivated, even if things don’t pan out exactly as you planned.

What Is Expectation?

Expectation, on the other hand, involves a level of certainty. It’s when we anticipate that things should happen a certain way, and when they don’t, we often feel disappointed or frustrated. Expectation is less about possibilities and more about setting a mental framework for how things will unfold.

Expectations can be motivating, but they can also set us up for frustration. Brené Brown explains that expectation often leads to disappointment because it creates a rigid mindset. We become attached to a specific outcome, and when reality doesn’t meet those expectations, we feel like something has gone wrong.

Imagine you’ve gone into a job interview expecting to get the job. If it doesn’t work out, the disappointment might feel much sharper because you were focused on that one particular outcome. In this way, expectations limit our ability to stay open to other possibilities, making it harder to adapt when life throws us a curveball.

The Problem with Expectations

While expectations are normal, they can sometimes create unnecessary stress or tension in our lives. When we expect too much from ourselves or from others, we set a high bar that’s often difficult to meet. As a result, we may feel like we’re constantly falling short. Expectations can also place pressure on our relationships, leading to misunderstandings and frustration when people don’t behave the way we thought they would.

Tony Robbins, a well-known life coach and motivational speaker, explains that “trade your expectations for appreciation and the world changes instantly.” By letting go of rigid expectations and focusing on gratitude for what we already have, we reduce the chances of feeling disappointed. This shift allows us to see life’s surprises and challenges as opportunities, rather than setbacks.

The Power of Hope

While expectations are rigid, hope is flexible. It allows us to stay open to various outcomes, maintaining optimism even when things don’t go as planned. Hope encourages us to trust that no matter what happens, we’ll find a way to move forward.

Hope also plays a crucial role in resilience. According to studies by Snyder and his colleagues, hopeful people tend to be more successful in achieving their goals because they are more motivated to find solutions when obstacles arise. Rather than giving up when things get tough, they adapt and keep moving forward.

Finding the Balance Between Hope and Expectation

So, how do we strike the right balance between hope and expectation? It’s important to set intentions for our lives without becoming attached to specific outcomes. Here are a few ways to find that balance:

1. Set Intentions, Not Demands: Rather than expecting a specific result, set intentions that guide your actions while staying open to how things unfold. For example, instead of expecting to get a certain job, focus on doing your best in the interview process and staying open to other opportunities that may arise.
2. Stay Open to Possibilities: Life is full of surprises, and while expectations can limit you to one specific result, hope encourages you to embrace different outcomes. Stay open to new possibilities and trust that things can work out in unexpected ways.
3. Communicate in Relationships: One of the biggest sources of frustration in relationships comes from unspoken expectations. Instead of assuming others will meet your expectations, communicate openly about your needs and desires. This helps avoid misunderstandings and fosters stronger, more supportive connections.
4. Practice Self-Compassion: If things don’t go as expected, it’s okay to feel disappointed—but don’t let that disappointment define you. Practice self-compassion and remember that setbacks are part of life. Hope allows you to keep moving forward, even when things don’t go as planned.

Understanding the difference between hope and expectation can transform the way we experience life. While expectations can often lead to disappointment, hope allows us to stay open to life’s possibilities and build resilience in the face of challenges. By focusing on hope, we can let go of the need for everything to go perfectly and instead embrace the beauty of life’s unpredictability.

At Liv Better, Luv Better, we encourage you to approach life with hope and curiosity, letting go of rigid expectations that may limit your growth. If you’re ready to shift your mindset and start living with more hope and resilience, reach out to us for a 1:1 consultation. Let’s work together to help you live and love better, with hope leading the way.